Waves of Change

It's been a busy past few months. In fact, I can't believe it's almost summer.

Some new and exciting things have happened so far this year:

• I tried snowboarding (twice). I fell a lot (a LOT), but I had a BLAST. I can't wait until next winter when I can do it again.


• I finally ate my first oyster. It was baked with delicious things on top. So good.


• I've maintained a dating relationship with a guy in the same city as me for more than 5 months. Yes, that's a first. Like I said, I'm learning a lot about myself.


• Having said that, I also have worked to get over being totally crazy about a guy from last year. It's been difficult, mostly because I idealized him and the situation. But it's been an important thing to work through.


• I went to New Orleans as an adult without my parents for the first time. I was there for a work conference and invited a friend to join me. We had a great time. I love that city.


• I joined a softball team for the summer. We won our game this week (my first game)!


• I recorded and edited my first ever podcast (for work)! I loved doing it, and have since recorded two more and put one up on the web.


• I recently had an INCREDIBLE trip to Texas where I finally met my new nephew and got to have lots of special play time with my niece (who is almost 4 now, unbelievable!)

I remember back in 2010 reading some astrological forecast for me for 2011. It warned of lots of difficult changes to deal with this year. They centered around work and relationships. Well, lately I have definitely been witnessing these difficult transitions and learning periods. Being in this relationship is really fun, and I really enjoy and value the guy. But this is the first time I've gotten to that point where you really have to acknowledge your own insecurities and faults and work on them in order to make something work. I can really tell a difference in our interactions when I actively try to be open as opposed to when I clam up and think inwardly. Even though I'm pushing my comfort zones, the positive reinforcements I get are really rewarding. I'm truly seeing how my actions and words -- and especially those actions and words that go undone and unsaid -- can affect another person and my relationship with them, whether it be positively or negatively

While lots of fun and exciting things have been happening at work, recently things have gotten more difficult for me. My first friend in Oregon and amazing boss/team leader has recently resigned. I think this decision was a great one for her, and I'm proud of her. I just wish it didn't have to be this way, and I'm very much going to miss having her here at the office. I can already pinpoint ways the office dynamic is going to change, but I expect it will fully come to light once she is gone. Both professionally and personally, she has been a true guide, or "way shower." I need to figure out how I can best honor her influence on me and time here at my work. Her resignation hasn't necessarily started a series of events of change at work, but it has made the inevitable closer and more realistic, sadly.

Amidst all of this, I am eagerly working on my application for Oregon State University's Master's in Public Health program with a focus on Gerontology. I've been scared to admit this publicly, for fear I won't be accepted into the program. But I'm growing confident in my decision and ability to get into the school.

Also, not surprisingly, I'm moving again. Next week. I really need to pack.

Happy day

Yesterday started off really crappily, mostly due to not feeling well. But then at some point in the morning I resolved "it's only going to get better...." and it sure did! So what made the day so glorious?

1. I finally made contact with (and heard back from) a graduate school program I'm looking at applying to.
2. Peja Stojakovic is now a Dallas Maverick! HOLLA!
3. My favorite lunch place was making lamb stew for today, and gave me a bowl of it for FREE. The dude that works there sort of knows me and knows how much I love lamb stew. Then he, the Scottish lawyer who also goes a lot, and I talked about local restaurants. He also made some interesting dessert, which I got a little bit of.
4. Had a great workout. It was my first workout in...too long.
5. It was sunny, and the sunset blew me away.
6. Got to hang out and catch up with my good friend.

So just six things, but those are all great things. I have three blogs in mind: 1. Black Swan 2. The Amateur Strip-off at John Henry's and 3. Facebook At some point soon I hope to actually write these and post 'em. See you when I do!

before kids...

I have an overwhelming number of friends who are about to start trying to have babies or are thinking about starting to try. I'm happy for them that they're at that point in their life, and they feel like this is a positive next step for them. However, these people are my age, and that kind of freaks me out. I can safely say that I am nowhere close to being ready to have a kid right now -- for a lot of reasons. I would need more financial security, have advanced more in my career, and I lack the necessary partner, etc. But I think one of the major reasons I'm not ready is there is so much I want to do BEFORE I have kids. So I've started a "bucket list," but instead of wanting to accomplish all of this before I die, I want to do it before I have a kid. I'm sure it will grow as I think of new things...

1. skydiving
2. cross-country trip
3. a really long backpacking/river float trip
4. go to Vegas
5. lots more all-night dance parties
6. get another dog
7. go to Spain for a month (or three) and make random plans once I'm there
8. go to and graduate from grad school
9. get lost somewhere in the middle of the United States
10. go on a Mediterranean cruise or even a Caribbean cruise
11. brew and drink my own beer
12. build a treehouse...
13. get my owl and pura vida tattoos
14. a couple more music festivals


That's what I thought of in a 10 minute period, but, like I said, I'm sure as time goes on, I'll have more to add. I don't want to make it seem like I think being a parent is a boring, life-sucking thing. I don't necessarily think that... I just think there are a lot of things you might not be able to do once you have a kid. So...I'd like to get on that. Perhaps I'll start with the easiest ones...tattoos, beer brewing, and skydiving.

Dating

I've been thinking about it lately, dating that is. I blame this on seeing the movie "Eat, Pray, Love". For those of you who haven't read the book or seen the movie, it follows a woman in her thirties (recovering from a divorce) as she basically discovers herself and becomes the whole person she can be before she can wholly love another. (kinda like the book "The Missing Piece Meets the Big O")

I definitely have (a lot of) hangups when it comes to dating. But seeing this movie did not make me want to work on these hangups, like it might make most women. No, instead I went home and decided it was finally time to clean out my book collection. This could be metaphorical....this could just be pragmatic. When I move, most of my boxes contain books.

At any rate, the first book I selected for judgment was "The Adjusted American: Normal Neuroses in the Individual and Society." I haven't read it yet, but it's supposed to examine modern day society and how we, as individuals, fit in. Coincidentally, the book fell open to the section concerning love. The author purports that contemporary romantic love is a projection of our own lackings onto the other person. We love about them what we cannot bring into the world. I see the logic in this. Hell, I might even agree with it to some degree.

Also noted is that (this was published in 1964), women are taught to NOT be masculine in the same way men are taught NOT to be feminine. And so, we were all taught to see these opposite traits in our mate. A big strong man for me, and a docile, cookie-baking wife for him. These gender traits were such defining characteristics of people, that their identities were often wrapped up in this. But society has changed SO much. Not only are we all a bit more narcissistic now, but the genders and their traits are much more fluid than they used to be. I think this part is good.

But what does that mean for finding a mate? When it is no longer clear what you are projecting into the world and what you're not, how can you find someone who fills in those gaps? Or, like in The Missing Piece Meets the Big O, should you even have these gaps? When one's gender characteristics are not necessarily distinguishable from one another, it becomes necessary to delve deeper. Few people have the patience for this. When people are so narcissistic and in love with themselves, is it even possible to see in others what you don't see in yourself?

I don't know. It's interesting though, especially given the rate of divorce today.

people are strange when you're a stranger

I'd like to share a quote from my favorite show, "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Larry: "I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers I have no problem with."

I wholeheartedly agree with Larry. I am (in)famous for striking up conversations with strangers. Some great things have happened as a result of this! Usually people who are willing to talk to a loud girl and carry on a conversation have something interesting to say. They don't always have GOOD things to say, but it's at least interesting in some form or fashion. I actually don't really consciously know WHY I love talking to strangers. I just do. I hope this comes in handy on the Alaskan cruise and at Pickathon. I think now my new buddy Jimmy and I are going to that together. Insanity ensues. Homeboy needs to buy his ticket though.

Speaking of Larry, last night I dreamed that I met him! This is probably the third or fourth dream I've had where I meet him, but this was by far the best. We were just two strangers talking to each other.

**I forgot to post this last night before going out with a friend. Incidentally, while we were out I started talking to a stranger from Irving, Texas! I love strangers!

It's July...already?

The dreaded tonsillectomy has come and gone, and I managed to survive a jalapeno margarita last week, so I think I'm good on the throat front. Life has been pretty busy though!

In the past couple of months, I have:

1. Moved, again. Back to my old neighborhood -- perhaps I already mentioned this.
2. Bought a bike and have enthusiastically commenced riding. I ride to run errands, rike to work (sometimes), ride for fun, and best of all, ride in the middle of the night! Though I rode a bunch last Friday and effectively pinched a nerve due to my seat being wonky. I need to fix that.
3. not cared about the world cup
4. Made a new, fantastic friend with whom I have immense amounts of fun.
5. Attended and hosted lots of cookouts
6. devised an excellent plan to break my worst habit
7. dyed and cut my hair...it's a bit short
8. lost another 10 lbs (weaksauce...time to kick it in high gear)
9. found an excellent pancake recipe
10. developed a nice tan. i need to even it up though.

In the next couple of months I will:
1. Go on an Alaskan cruise with my mother and brother!
2. Attend Pickathon Music Festival for free (volunteering)! I'm going with a twitter/facebook friend who shares similar music tastes.
3. go camping several times
4. break my bad habit
5. lose 10 more lbs :-P
6. discover more, awesome music.

Life is pretty good. It's summertime. It's bound to be good. Kind of makes me dread winter, but we won't think about that!!

I'm considering going and doing pilates on the back porch...

Tonsillectomy and Taste

I forgot to mention how my sense of taste has been totally distorted since the surgery! I think this is fairly common, and I've read it can take several months to restore everything back to normal. But for now, some of my favorite things are kind of repulsive. Like, for instance, one of my favorite beers! I almost gagged after drinking it. And then I had a pulled pork salad from Mucho Gusto today (which I get everytime I go, and I love it), and it was pretty horrible. Not everything is different, just some things. It's interesting, and kind of sad.