Dating

I've been thinking about it lately, dating that is. I blame this on seeing the movie "Eat, Pray, Love". For those of you who haven't read the book or seen the movie, it follows a woman in her thirties (recovering from a divorce) as she basically discovers herself and becomes the whole person she can be before she can wholly love another. (kinda like the book "The Missing Piece Meets the Big O")

I definitely have (a lot of) hangups when it comes to dating. But seeing this movie did not make me want to work on these hangups, like it might make most women. No, instead I went home and decided it was finally time to clean out my book collection. This could be metaphorical....this could just be pragmatic. When I move, most of my boxes contain books.

At any rate, the first book I selected for judgment was "The Adjusted American: Normal Neuroses in the Individual and Society." I haven't read it yet, but it's supposed to examine modern day society and how we, as individuals, fit in. Coincidentally, the book fell open to the section concerning love. The author purports that contemporary romantic love is a projection of our own lackings onto the other person. We love about them what we cannot bring into the world. I see the logic in this. Hell, I might even agree with it to some degree.

Also noted is that (this was published in 1964), women are taught to NOT be masculine in the same way men are taught NOT to be feminine. And so, we were all taught to see these opposite traits in our mate. A big strong man for me, and a docile, cookie-baking wife for him. These gender traits were such defining characteristics of people, that their identities were often wrapped up in this. But society has changed SO much. Not only are we all a bit more narcissistic now, but the genders and their traits are much more fluid than they used to be. I think this part is good.

But what does that mean for finding a mate? When it is no longer clear what you are projecting into the world and what you're not, how can you find someone who fills in those gaps? Or, like in The Missing Piece Meets the Big O, should you even have these gaps? When one's gender characteristics are not necessarily distinguishable from one another, it becomes necessary to delve deeper. Few people have the patience for this. When people are so narcissistic and in love with themselves, is it even possible to see in others what you don't see in yourself?

I don't know. It's interesting though, especially given the rate of divorce today.

people are strange when you're a stranger

I'd like to share a quote from my favorite show, "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Larry: "I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers I have no problem with."

I wholeheartedly agree with Larry. I am (in)famous for striking up conversations with strangers. Some great things have happened as a result of this! Usually people who are willing to talk to a loud girl and carry on a conversation have something interesting to say. They don't always have GOOD things to say, but it's at least interesting in some form or fashion. I actually don't really consciously know WHY I love talking to strangers. I just do. I hope this comes in handy on the Alaskan cruise and at Pickathon. I think now my new buddy Jimmy and I are going to that together. Insanity ensues. Homeboy needs to buy his ticket though.

Speaking of Larry, last night I dreamed that I met him! This is probably the third or fourth dream I've had where I meet him, but this was by far the best. We were just two strangers talking to each other.

**I forgot to post this last night before going out with a friend. Incidentally, while we were out I started talking to a stranger from Irving, Texas! I love strangers!

It's July...already?

The dreaded tonsillectomy has come and gone, and I managed to survive a jalapeno margarita last week, so I think I'm good on the throat front. Life has been pretty busy though!

In the past couple of months, I have:

1. Moved, again. Back to my old neighborhood -- perhaps I already mentioned this.
2. Bought a bike and have enthusiastically commenced riding. I ride to run errands, rike to work (sometimes), ride for fun, and best of all, ride in the middle of the night! Though I rode a bunch last Friday and effectively pinched a nerve due to my seat being wonky. I need to fix that.
3. not cared about the world cup
4. Made a new, fantastic friend with whom I have immense amounts of fun.
5. Attended and hosted lots of cookouts
6. devised an excellent plan to break my worst habit
7. dyed and cut my hair...it's a bit short
8. lost another 10 lbs (weaksauce...time to kick it in high gear)
9. found an excellent pancake recipe
10. developed a nice tan. i need to even it up though.

In the next couple of months I will:
1. Go on an Alaskan cruise with my mother and brother!
2. Attend Pickathon Music Festival for free (volunteering)! I'm going with a twitter/facebook friend who shares similar music tastes.
3. go camping several times
4. break my bad habit
5. lose 10 more lbs :-P
6. discover more, awesome music.

Life is pretty good. It's summertime. It's bound to be good. Kind of makes me dread winter, but we won't think about that!!

I'm considering going and doing pilates on the back porch...

Tonsillectomy and Taste

I forgot to mention how my sense of taste has been totally distorted since the surgery! I think this is fairly common, and I've read it can take several months to restore everything back to normal. But for now, some of my favorite things are kind of repulsive. Like, for instance, one of my favorite beers! I almost gagged after drinking it. And then I had a pulled pork salad from Mucho Gusto today (which I get everytime I go, and I love it), and it was pretty horrible. Not everything is different, just some things. It's interesting, and kind of sad.

Tonsillectomy - Days 10-12 (On the Mend)

Day Ten
I FINALLY started to feel better on Friday! I could even tell a difference in my mood; it was great. I was still eating lame food, but I just felt looser in my throat. Also, I knew I had coughed up a lot of scab, so that meant they were well on their way to coming off! Because I talked so much at work during the day, I went out with a friend to a movie that night. Everytime I DID talk, it felt pretty sore. It was nice to have a good reason to get the giant blue raspberry icee though!

Day Eleven
Saturday was a good day. I woke up and wasn't in too much pain, so I waited to take painkillers until just before I ate! It worked out nicely. I made strawberry pancakes for brunch, and they were delicious. It was nice to eat something flavorful and yummy. Then I made some chips for a cookout I was going to that night. I was sure to take some Lortab before I ate at the cookout, so I was able to eat half a hamburger (!!), snow peas, brownies, and my chips. It was quite the awesome feast, though admittedly the hamburger was a bit painful going down. Then I talked way too much (of course!) for my throat. I was hurting, so when I got home I took an Oxy.

Day Twelve
Another good day! I was able to take painkillers only before eating, and I went to book club, where I talked minimally because my throat was still sore. But I got a mexican scramble, and that was tasty. I had leftover pancake mix, so I made pancakes for dinner. Those were fairly painless. Anyway, I was pretty excited about my progress! I feel almost totally healed. It still hurts like hell to yawn. After Day 14, I'll be able to workout again, so I'm really looking forward to that!

what it feels like

Lately I've been thinking about Luna a lot. She appears in practically every dream I have, and often she is the centerpiece of the dream. I think about her when I'm awake, and I'm still in shock that she's gone. I knew coming to terms with her absence would take a very long time, and I don't think I'm close.

But I've noticed that when I think about her, I feel a sensation all over my body. It's not just that I have a hole in my heart or my soul where she used to be; it feels as though every single cell that makes up my being is a bit empty. I can feel it in my skin, I can feel it inside my chest cavity, I can feel it in my head, and I can feel it in the blood that runs through me. It also feels like I'm reaching for something that's not there.

I know I sound crazy. And I know a lot of people think it's ridiculous to have this much difficulty grieving the loss of a pet, but that's sad to me that those people have missed out on the amazing bond and friendship that I had with Luna.

Tonsillectomy - Day 9 (Progress!)

My vow of silence for the day seemed to work well. I didn't experience any incredibly agonizing pain (but I definitely did have some intense pain...). Talking was next to impossible anyway. For lunch I ordered some mac and cheese, and I managed to eat some of that. Then in the afternoon, I kept clearing my throat/coughing up stuff -- including some blood, but just a minimal amount. After a call to the doctor's office, I was pleased with her assumption that my scabs are finally coming off. She told me to gargle ice cold water and keep an eye on it. Since then I have continued coughing up/clearing out some pink colored mucusy stuff. More scab coming off! I have monitored the progress with a flashlight and a mirror, and I'm seeing more and more new flesh in the back of my mouth. This is very exciting for me, as this means I'm healing. The pain of Day 8 is a thing of the past! I'm looking to the future now :-)

I made mashed potatoes tonight, and those hurt like hell to eat. Then I went to a friend's to play Scrabble (she beat me by 54 points, DEVASTATING), and I probably talked more than I should have. For some reason I'm wide awake right now -- this medicine really messes with me. I'm looking forward to a restful weekend.