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slap bracelets.

Fad #1 of my life. In first grade I was elated when my sixth-grader "study buddy" mentor gave me one as part of my Christmas package. I was so cool, obsessively slapping my wrist with a band of metal. I liked the way it crinkled out. I was fascinated. But more than that, I was cool.

pogs.

Fad #2 of my life. My brother John had recently returned from his trip to Hawaii, and with him he brought back milk carton tops, which later became popularly known as pogs. My brother and I ruthlessly fought over slammers (he always got the cooler, thicker ones) and whose pog was whose. I swear Zack, the "blooming idiot" pog was MINE. This fad reminds me of the time our Beloved Beagle Spike wandered away from my dad's watch and came up to my elementary school, just while I happened to be on recess break. Spike impulsively ran up to one kid's pogs and messed them up with his snout. The kid kicked my dog, and I viciously returned the favor to him. Don't F*** with my beagle.

sanrio surprise

Fad #3 - I had this amazingly awesome, tricked out pencil case in elementary school from Sanrio Surprise. I could press little buttons, and the pencil compartment would pop out. It was super cool. I loved sanrio surprise so much, I bought my brother and sister their christmas presents from there that year. I have yet to live that down. Y'all are evil.

ribbons.

I'm probably skipping a few fads here, namely doc martens, but in 8th grade hair ribbons resurfaced as a cool thing for some inexplicable reason. My mom came home with a paper sack full of an array of ribbons. I felt like I had won the lottery.

I'm sure there are other fads I comfortably fell in line to follow. I like to think that I usually I actually enjoyed whatever item was being marketed. A couple of recent ones that come to mind are Twilight and ....well...blogging. However, having said this, I do not understand the purpose, or even desire, of Twitter.

I am infamous as an "oversharer." Over the years hundreds of unwitting victims have fallen prey to my outbursts of indiscretion. Facebook has made this all the easier. I can announce that I prefer my cereal without milk ( a new fad?) or that I have had four red bulls in one day. But even I am annoyed with my misuse of this function.

So why in the hell would I want to read some person's carefully scripted activity, which they are obviously doing to portray themselves in a certain light? I mean who puts what is really on their mind or what they're really doing? My friend did point out that you can follow famous people. My prompt reply was to ask if I can search for people. Sadly, I don't think any guys I would cyberstalk would actually use Twitter. Actually, I'm glad they don't.

I checked out the site. There's a convenient button for people like me: "Why?" Here are their reasons:

"Why? Because even basic updates are meaningful to family members, friends, or colleagues—especially when they’re timely." Ok, I will concede that my mom is probably the only individual in the universe who would care to know what I'm doing most times of the day. She's a mom. That's what moms DO. At work I often wonder what Luna is doing. I usually suspect she is dreaming of chasing bunnies.

"Eating soup? Research shows that moms want to know." wtf? Again, my mom is the only person who cares what I eat for lunch. Besides my dogs, who want to know if they can have some too.

"Running late to a meeting? Your co–workers might find that useful." "Hey guys! I'm so busy checking out Larry David's tweets, I realized I'm about 10 minutes late to the meeting. Go ahead and start without me. Muah!" I'm sure that would go over really well. In the world where email and text communication makes bad news so much easier to break, Twitter is now the way to let your coworkers know you don't care enough about their time to try and not waste it. Hey, I'm the first to tell you I prefer text/email over phone call/face to face interactions, but this is a new low.

"Partying? Your friends may want to join you." Chances are if I want you at my party, you have been invited. If you have not been invited, you either live in a different town or I don't want you drinking my Ninkasi.

Are these reasons really the best they can do? I was looking for reasons like "Now you can notify all of your past sexual partners of your newly discovered STD. Convenient AND easy -- like you!" or even "Getting a divorce? Use this site to avoid awkward stop and chats with acquaintances and distant friends who might ask where your jerk of a spouse is." Heck, even "Tell all your recently laid-off friends about your great new promotion you got...at the expense of their jobs!" would be permissable. But the reasons they've listed are less than intriguing.

I hope to maintain my stronghold against Twitter. I'm considering just keeping a daily word document of the random crap that spews about in my brain and then emailing it to one lucky recipient each day.